Everything sucks without you… excuse me? No!
I’m sitting at uni, well “sitting” doesn’t seem right. I’m slouched on my chair, in the last row and trying my body’s painful best not to stick out. In elementary school I used to hope to get rid of this “please don’t pick me”-behavior soon and to grow up… just like in high school and during my first studies. So far I’ve become an expert at “hiding underneath the table”.
The last week before the long awaited summer break has started and for a while now everything turned into: Monday | Monday 2.0 | Monday 3.0 | Monday 4.0 | Friday | Saturday | the day BEFORE Monday, which is just as bad as all the Mondays before.
I need holidays!
Proper holidays. Without reading books, visiting new apartments with over-the-top salesmen that smile in your face while explaining hooooow close you were to getting the flat. Without public transport literally freezing as soon as a single snowflake touches the ground. Can’t risk anyone getting hurt! Without strange men that want to “have coffee” with you, without noticing that you’re in a hurry, but still managing to shout at you that “I’m in a hurry, too… girl, we have a lot in common already!”
I want holidays without people pretending to be politically correct and gather, simply to have a reason to get wasted together. Because Tuesday Boozeday doesn’t sound nearly as cool – on a Wednesday.
That’s why I made a small list of things I hate, called “Everything’s better… without you”. A new adaption of the “Everything sucks without you” kitsch by sheepworld.
Everything’s better without you, dear sick person, sitting next to me on the train, giving his best sneezing performance. Plus those telling me that I look like my mother, don’t need those either.
Everything’s better without you, dear student in the first row, because of you, I can’t see nothing. Without you everything’s better and with you I mean all the other students, too. Especially these that are in the best mood every morning, but also those that are always in a shitty mood, kinda. Without overly motivated students that make me look bad everything would be nicer. Just like those that occupy the bathroom whenever I have to go!
Without people telling me I use the word “those” to much, everything would be better… even if this annoys myself too, right now.
Everything’s better without people constantly asking me when I’ll finish my studies. And the world would be a better place without the disgusting end pieces of sausages. Had to be said for once!I hate German grammar and I hate people that are politically correct and pro-immigration, but consequently feel the need to correct myself, as if I were a 4-year-old, while smiling down on me because “it’s okay since I’m not a TRUE German.”
In general everything would be better without people asking me for the way and people being noisy right when I want to take a nap.
I hate this!
I hate telling you that “I love you and I think we share the same feelings” and you have to correct my syntax. And I hate the feeling of messing up my syntax.
I could very well pass on vegans that talk down on my food and people that share their opinion without being asked. Without people that can’t see the difference between criticism and verbal pollution, everything would be better. And the worst are people using very cool English phrases. I hate people that are prettier than me and I hate people on trains that sit down straight on my handbag because the spot was “free”. I hate overly friendly people and I hate unfriendly people. If I think about it, I hate people in general.
And before somebody complains, I hate this text myself.
And last but not least, I hate people that are full of hate!